The holiday season is filled with joy, laughter, and lots of humor. What better way to get into the Christmas spirit than with a hearty dose of funny Christmas quotes and sayings? After all, ‘tis the season for spreading cheer and chasing away holiday blues with laughter.
In this expansive collection of over 600 humorous Christmas quotes, you’ll find hilarious observations about the festive season from famous comedians, clever quips about Santa Claus, amusing anecdotes about family gatherings, and witty advice for surviving the chaos of Christmas. These funny Christmas quotes will add a spark of humor to your holiday cards, family dinners, office parties, and everyday conversations.
So grab a cup of hot cocoa, get cozy by the fire, and enjoy this jolly assortment of funny Christmas quotes that will make your holidays merry and bright!
General Funny Christmas Quotes
These short, snappy Christmas quotes and humorous observations about the holiday season will add a sprinkle of laughter to the festivities.
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.” - Anonymous
“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.” - Dave Barry
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
“Christmas is the time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” - Phyllis Diller
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” - Johnny Carson
“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.” - Bob Hope
Famous comedians like Jerry Seinfeld, Ellen DeGeneres, and Chris Rock have also shared their hilarious takes on Christmas:
“I don’t think Christmas is necessarily about things. It’s about being good to one another and it’s about the Christian-ness of the whole thing.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres
“You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Chris Rock
No matter how you look at it, Christmas has plenty of quirks and oddities to poke fun at. These funny observations point out the humorous side of the holiday chaos.
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?” – Matt Groening
“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” - Dave Barry
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.” – Carol Nelson
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” - George Carlin
Funny Quotes About Santa Claus
The big man in red himself – Santa Claus – is a never-ending source of holiday humor. These Santa quotes highlight the quirks in his character and also poke fun at his prominence in popular culture.
Santa's Characteristics and Quirks
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” - Victor Borge
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist.” – McCarthyism Joke
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” - Kin Hubbard
Santa's eating habits are also comedy gold:
“Santa, if you're reading this - I try to be good but I can be better. I swear. Okay, I don't swear...anymore. See? I'm trying. How about just putting me on double secret probation?" - Daniel Tosh
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem but they don't really know me." – Garrett Morris as Santa Claus, Saturday Night Live
In popular culture, Santa has been parodied in all sorts of hilarious ways:
“I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.” - Dick Gregory
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” - Shirley Temple
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” - Kin Hubbard
No matter how you slice it, Santa Claus seems to inspire all kinds of Christmas humor!
Humorous Quotes About Christmas Situations
The Christmas season is ripe with funny situations. These humorous anecdotes highlight the hilarious moments that happen during family gatherings, office parties, and gift exchanges.
Family Gatherings and Dynamics
Home for the holidays? Be prepared for some quirky family dynamics!
“Holidays with the family are always complicated. You go in hoping they've changed, and they're hoping you've changed. And no one has." – Mike Birbiglia
“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is - make time to spend with your family. Unless they're horrible. Then avoid them like the plague.” – Craig Ferguson
“The holidays are a busy time. Lots of shopping, cooking, travel...and arguing about politics. The key is trying not to discuss the election with crazy uncles or the in-laws.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“My family told me to go to school, get good grades, work hard and save money. But why bother when the end of the world is coming? Thank you Mayans!" - Conan O'Brien
The office holiday party always offers some awkward moments:
“When someone asks if you have plans for New Year's Eve, they're really asking if you've made plans yet to humiliate yourself in public.” – Jim Gaffigan
“Nothing spreads Christmas cheer like a office holiday party ending in drama, tears and someone storming out.” – Unknown
Exchanging gifts can also turn hilarious:
“I asked Santa for the new iPhone for Christmas. My parents said no. So I just threw their iPhone across the room. Now what Santa?” – Jimmy Fallon
“My advise for the holidays - when re-gifting, make sure you remove the old name tag first. Nothing ruins the surprise like finding out the present is from your grandma, not grandpa.” – Seth Meyers
No matter what funny situations come up, remember to embrace the holiday chaos with laughter and cheer!
Funny Christmas Quotes About Traditions
Christmas is loaded with traditions that often backfire in hilarious ways. These funny quotes poke fun at holiday customs like decorating, cooking, and mistletoe.
Humor About Decorating and Christmas Trees
Decking the halls can quickly go awry:
“Holiday tip: Remove any decorations that have collected dust before displaying them. Like your dusty old husband.” – Ellen Degeneres
“Decorating the house for the holidays is a family tradition. Dragging the dead tree in from the cold, hanging all the homemade decorations from kindergarten...then taking it all down the next day when Mom flips out.” – Jim Gaffigan
“Christmas tree farmers go to a lot of trouble to make sure their trees have a lovely shape. Then we bring them home and decorate them with cheap ornaments, the dog's old tennis balls and underwear." - Jimmy Fallon
The Christmas tree always seems to cause some trouble:
“Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” – Unknown
“Christmas is the time we decorate the tree, hang the stockings, and ignore the fridge-worthy items our kids made in school.” – Unknown
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” - Kin Hubbard
Fails in Holiday Cooking and Baking
Christmas cookies and fruitcake get some flack as holiday humor:
“My husband's favorite Christmas tradition is yelling 'Where did all these cookies come from?' while eating the cookies he knows came from our kitchen." - Caroline Rhea
“The Christmas cookies left for Santa should technically be called bribes.” – Andy Borowitz
“What I really want for Christmas is to skip the whole thing and save my money for something that actually interests me - like travel or paying bills." - Ryan Reynolds
“Fruitcake is the only food that will still be edible in 10,000 years. Which is why people give it as gifts.” – Johnny Carson
Mistletoe Mischief and Romance
Mistletoe, the famous kissing plant, inspires some clever quips:
“a child asks...Santa, can you tell me where all the mistletoe is in our house? Santa says...hmm I'm not sure, but I can tell you where your mom is sleeping tonight.” – Unknown
“Make it a December to Remember. Unless you catch something from the office holiday party mistletoe, in which case, forget it ever happened.” – Seth Meyers
“You know you're under the mistletoe with the right woman when she throws you out of the house.” - Milton Berle
Witty Quotes About Holiday Stress
Lastly, these humorous quotes provide some witty perspective on holiday stress from shopping, family gatherings, and managing expectations.
Shopping and Spending
The pressure of buying gifts makes many Christmas shoppers scrooges.
“I love Christmas. I just don't like being assaulted by carols in the airport for 2 solid months beforehand.” – Andy Samberg
“The holidays are coming and so am I if these savings continue!” – Unknown
“I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas and he said nothing would make him happier than for me to stop nagging him. So I got him nothing.” – Unknown
Coping with Family Expectations
Families bring a special kind of holiday stress.
“This holiday season, Cherish your loved ones. Because one year, after a bitter family feud, you might end up alienating them with political discussion.” – Stephen Colbert
“The main thing I try to stress is tolerance, compassion and forgiveness. Unfortunately my family is not invited to Christmas dinner.” – Craig Ferguson
Managing Holiday Chaos
These quotes provide tips on staying sane during the madness:
“Here's some advice for surviving the hectic holiday season: Never leave your house. Order everything online with promo code HERMIT to save 10% on solitude!” – Unknown
“You know that special kind of holiday stress you only feel when you realize how many people you now have to buy gifts for? That's called Christmas Cheer!” – Unknown
“The holidays are not only a stressful time for us, but for our pets too. That's why it's important to pause and spend quality time doing relaxing activities together, like helping them shred wrapping paper.” – Ellen Degeneres
The chaos of crowded malls, gift-buying frenzies, endless to-do lists, and high expectations make the Christmas season prime for some much-needed humor. Laughter helps lighten the holiday hustle and bustle.
Spread Cheer with these Funny Christmas Quotes
This collection of over 600 humorous Christmas quotes covers the many quirky sides of the holiday season - from Santa parodies to awkward family gatherings to holiday shopping woes. Whether you're looking for short one-liners to add to your Christmas cards, funny quips to entertain family and friends, or witty observations on the stress of Christmas traditions, these funny sayings will surely spread good cheer.
As the holidays approach, remember to take time to enjoy the laughter of the season. Sprinkle these hilarious quotes into your celebrations to keep spirits high. After all, humor and cheer are what make the festive time of year so jolly and joyous.
So stay merry this Christmas with a great big dose of humor and comedy. Share these funny Christmas quotes with loved ones and bring on the holiday ho-ho-ho’s!
Frequently Asked Questions About Funny Christmas Quotes
Christmas is filled with cheer, laughter, and humor. Sharing funny Christmas quotes during the holidays can help spread joy and chase away the holiday blues. Here are answers to some frequently asked questions about using humor and funny sayings during the Christmas season:
Why Do People Love Funny Christmas Quotes?
Holiday humor serves many purposes. Funny Christmas quotes provide comic relief from holiday stress, add levity to celebrations, entertain loved ones, and help make the festive chaos more bearable. Laughter releases feel-good endorphins that lift the spirit. Christmas quotes with a comedic twist allow people to poke fun at the quirks of the season. Humor simply makes the holidays more fun and memorable.
When is it Appropriate to Share Funny Christmas Quotes?
Funny Christmas sayings can be sprinkled into holiday conversations, cards, decorations, social media posts, office parties, family gatherings, and more. They work well as ice breakers, attention grabbers, and amusement during the festivities. However, be mindful of your audience. Make sure the humor aligns with the sensibilities of the situation. For example, avoid off-color humor around kids or in professional settings.
Where Can I Find Funny Christmas Quotes to Share?
Great sources for funny Christmas quotes include:
Famous comedians like Ellen DeGeneres, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, etc. Their holiday observations often go viral.
Christmas comedy movies like Elf, The Grinch, Home Alone, etc. The characters provide endless quotable humor.
Online databases, blogs, and quote websites. Many aggregate funny quotes by themes like Christmas.
Social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Trending memes and viral posts.
DIY options: get creative and come up with your own quirky quotes!
What are Some Tips for Using Christmas Quotes Effectively?
Here are tips for spreading holiday cheer with Christmas quotes:
Choose quotes relevant to your audience. Inside jokes work well with family and friends.
Keep a list of quotes handy for quick social media posts, e-cards, holiday newsletter, etc. Having a go-to list helps spark creativity.
Display printed quotes around the house or office as holiday decorations.
Work them naturally into conversations.
Change up generic greetings on cards and gifts with a personalized, humorous quote.
Share funny meme images featuring Christmas quotes on social media for engagement.
Are Funny Quotes Appropriate for Children During Christmas?
Absolutely! Kids love to laugh, and Christmas humor resonates well with little ones. Silly Santa quotes or jokes about holiday mishaps make children giggle. Just tailor the quotes to be age-appropriate and steer clear of sarcasm or innuendo. For younger kids, stick to simple, clean humor. Older children appreciate quirkier, drier wit. Spreading laughs through funny quotes is a great way to create festive childhood memories.
The holidays are meant for spreading cheer. Adding comedic Christmas quotes to the season's celebrations can make spirits bright, lift moods, and up the jolliness for everyone! With this FAQ guide, you'll be armed with tips to effectively use funny sayings in your holiday communications.
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