Feeling Alone This Christmas? A Military Wife Shares Her Struggles and Hope

Feeling Alone This Christmas? A Military Wife Shares Her Struggles and Hope

The twinkling lights and festive music fill me with warmth and nostalgia. But when I look around my silent house, the hollow feeling in my chest returns. My husband is thousands of miles away on deployment, and I’m spending another Christmas alone.

The holidays are often portrayed as a magical time filled with family traditions, gatherings with loved ones, and creating new memories together. For many military spouses like myself, it can feel quite the opposite.

Why Do Military Spouses Feel So Isolated During the Holidays?

Military life comes with unique challenges that can exacerbate feelings of loneliness. Here are some of the key reasons why holidays like Christmas are especially isolating for spouses of active service members:

• Deployments: It's common for military personnel to be stationed abroad and separated from family during major holidays. In 2020 alone, nearly 186,000 service members were away from home for Christmas. Missing a loved one who is serving overseas can cast a dark cloud over celebrations.

• Frequent Relocations: Military families move every 2-3 years on average, uprooting connections and community ties. After each move, rebuilding a support network from scratch takes time and effort.

• Lack of Family Nearby: Most military families live far from relatives due to relocations. Not having parents, siblings, grandparents etc. nearby during the holidays can exacerbate loneliness.

• Spouse Unemployment: Spouse unemployment rates for military partners hover around 25% due to frequent relocations disrupting careers. Being out of work eliminates workplace friendships that could help ease the isolated feeling.

• Stress from Managing Household Alone: With their service member gone, spouses bear all home and parenting responsibilities solo. Holiday tasks like decorating, travel plans, buying gifts and hosting family heighten the pressure.

This combination of challenges leaves many military partners feeling like "holiday orphans" year after year.

When Temporary Loneliness Transitions into Chronic Isolation

For some military spouses, the holiday blues are a temporary low that lift once celebrations kick into high gear. But for others, the isolation persists long after the decorations come down.

Spending multiple holidays alone while managing a household solo can chip away at one's resilience over time. Holidays serve as painful reminders of absent loved ones year after year.

Feelings of hopelessness and emotional detachment can take root, transitioning temporary sadness into chronic loneliness. This puts military spouses at heightened risk for:

• Anxiety and depression
• Substance abuse
• Weight gain and health issues
• Suicidal thoughts

Studies confirm military spouses suffer higher rates of these mental health challenges compared to civilian spouses.

Christmases alone tempted me to disengage from traditions that no longer brought joy. I questioned if merely surviving the holiday was achievement enough. But with support and intention, I found ways to protect my mental health.

If you're a military spouse facing another Christmas without your loved one, know that you aren't alone. And your feelings are valid. Here are tips to help safeguard your emotional wellbeing this holiday season.

7 Ways for Military Spouses to Combat Holiday Loneliness

1. Connect with Fellow Military Spouses

No one understands the unique struggles of military life quite like a seasoned military spouse. Whether in person or online, spending time with fellow military spouses during the holidays can ease the isolation.

Check Facebook for spouse support groups in your installation or city. Search sites like Meetup for military spouse meetups. Or join military spouse forums like MilSpouse to connect.

If you can, attend holiday events on base tailored for military families. But even virtual conversations about shared experiences can lift your spirits.

2. Lean on Family Traditions That Bring Joy

Some family traditions like big gatherings may need tweaking this year. But don't abandon all traditions if some still spark happiness.

I still baked Christmas cookies, played festive music, and drove around looking at neighborhood lights. These activities made me feel closer to my husband even from afar.

Aim to do at least one meaningful activity a day leading up to the holiday. It shifts the focus from loneliness to nostalgia.

3. Share Your Experience with Trusted Friends

The isolation can feel unbearable if you don't vocalize it. Confide in close friends about what you're going through. Ask them to check in with you leading up to and on the holiday.

Sharing your feelings with trusted confidants brings relief through validation. It also ensures you have emotional support on difficult days.

4. Give Back to Others in Need

Volunteering your time, donations, or talents is proven to enhance mood and purpose. And the holidays present plenty of opportunities to give back.

Check local shelters, food banks, hospitals, and retirement homes for volunteer openings. Look on Volunteer Match and Idealist for virtual roles.

You could even launch a giving campaign through a site like GoFundMe. Serving others gets you outside of your head and makes a real impact.

5. Prioritize Rest, Relaxation, and Joy

The endless holiday tasks can drain you emotionally and physically. That's why self-care is crucial.

Give yourself permission to scale back and say no. Take relaxing bubble baths. Go to bed early. Watch comforting movies. Ask relatives to handle some prep and visits this year.

Don't let the pressure to overdo it sabotage your health. Remind yourself that rest and joy are priority.

6. Seek Mental Health Support If Needed

Coping alone with heavy emotions for too long hurts your health. If loneliness persists for weeks and impedes daily functioning, seek professional support.

Your military installation likely offers counseling services and support groups. Or meet with a private therapist who offers video sessions.

Talking through your mental and emotional hurdles with a professional enables you to heal. Don't wait until you've reached rock bottom.

7. Plan a Reunion Trip for Next Year

Having something to look forward to lifts the spirits. If reuniting with your spouse must wait until post-holiday, start planning a reunion trip together.

Research locations, make reservations, and build an itinerary. Compile a list of activities and traditions you want to enjoy.

Focusing on future plans distracts from current loneliness. And it gives you quality time together to anticipate.

My Christmas in Hawaii Helped Me Turn the Corner

Two years ago, my husband's leave aligned perfectly with the holidays. We couldn't bear another Christmas apart.

So I met him in Hawaii for a week-long reunion. We treasured every moment - from quiet morning hikes to dazzling sunset dinners. No elaborate plans, just togetherness.

Soaking in that long overdue quality time shifted my mindset. I realized I had two choices - let the sadness consume me, or find pockets of joy wherever they appear.

I promised myself to stop viewing traditions and holidays through the lens of what I lack. Instead, I committed to appreciating what I have, even if it doesn't seem like much.

A Message of Hope for Military Spouses This Christmas

For military spouses facing another holiday without their best friend and confidant, I see you. You are not alone.

Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions surface - sadness, anger, grief, hopelessness. Don't ignore them.

But don't let those feelings own you either. When you're ready, refocus on the people, activities, and traditions that spark warmth and comfort.

Cherish your loved one's "virtual presence" through video calls, texts, care packages and other gestures. Remind yourself: this too shall pass. Brighter days lie ahead.

Until then, give yourself permission to grieve the ideal holidays. But also search for pockets of joy in whatever form they appear. Keep your heart open to receiving love.

You have inner strength, resilience and courage that helped you through past obstacles. That same fortitude will sustain you now.

Whenever you start to feel despair set in, recite this mantra:

This holiday will end. We will reunite. My loved one will be home soon. I am not alone. I am surrounded by support, even from afar. I can withstand this temporary hardship. Brighter days are coming.

Repeat it as many times as you need until your spirit feels lifted.

Military spouses are masters of adaptability, patience, and perseverance. You've managed so much already. You can weather this storm too.

My wish is that next Christmas brings you immeasurable joy, laughter, and light. But until then, stay strong. Take comfort in knowing you aren't walking this path alone.

Wishing you moments of peace, optimism and love this holiday season.

In solidarity and support, Sarah

Proud Army Wife

Conclusion

The holidays prompt reflection on what really matters - health, family, purpose, and human connection. For military spouses missing their loved one this season, those fundamental elements feel painfully absent.

But there are always pockets of joy, comfort and love to uncover, even in the darkest times. The key is to seek out and actively engage whatever brings you happiness.

Prioritize emotional needs through counseling, friends, traditions, and self-care. Loneliness is temporary. Focus on each day rather than counting down until the end.

Most importantly, know you aren't alone on this journey. Thousands of fellow milspouses walk in your shoes. Support and brighter days lie ahead.

Frequently Asked Questions

What causes loneliness in military spouses during the holidays?

Military life comes with unique challenges that can increase feelings of loneliness for spouses. Frequent separations due to deployments mean celebrating holidays without their loved one. Relocations every few years also disrupt social connections and support systems. Most military families live far from relatives, leaving spouses without family nearby during the holidays. Managing parenting and household demands alone while their spouse is away further exacerbates emotional and physical fatigue. This combination of factors leaves many military partners feeling isolated.

Why is loneliness dangerous for mental health?

Loneliness is problematic when it becomes an ongoing state rather than temporary sadness. Holidays often intensify this chronic isolation for military spouses missing their partner year after year. Prolonged loneliness can lead to anxiety, depression, substance abuse, health problems, and suicidal thoughts. It threatens both short-term wellbeing during the holidays and long-term mental health.

What are some ways for military spouses to cope with holiday loneliness?

Connecting with fellow military spouses provides validation and comfort. Attending on-base holiday events or joining online forums can establish a support network. Maintaining family traditions that bring joy, even if modified, preserves a sense of nostalgia. Confiding in trusted friends increases emotional support. Giving back to others through volunteering enhances purpose and mood. Making time for adequate self-care prevents burnout. Seeking counseling provides professional help processing difficult emotions. Planning a reunion trip gives spouses something positive to anticipate.

How can military spouses build resilience against holiday loneliness?

Resilience is the ability to mentally withstand and recover from adversity. Some ways milspouses can cultivate resilience against holiday isolation include reframing perspective, practicing self-care, tapping into social support, establishing new traditions, pursuing hobbies, focusing on personal growth, seeking counseling, and volunteering to help others. Maintaining overall wellness and self-care is key to resilience.

What resources are available to help military spouses cope during the holidays?

Military OneSource offers 24/7 support and counseling resources. Mental health providers on military bases provide therapy and support groups. Organizations like the USO host morale-boosting holiday events for milfamilies. Operation Homefront gives free holiday meals at some bases. Red Cross offers coping workshops and virtual meetups. Blue Star Families connects milspouses with mentors. Vet Centers have counselors to help with stress and loneliness. MilSpouse online forums provide peer support.

How can relatives support a lonely military spouse during the holidays?

They can send care packages, holiday treats, and decor to help create festive cheer. Taking over some household responsibilities like shopping, cleaning, and traveling can relieve pressure on the spouse. Regular check-in calls provide emotional support and daily interaction. Sending cards and letters full of affection reminds the spouse they aren’t forgotten. Inviting the spouse to join their family celebrations makes them feel included. Offering words of encouragement and affirmation boosts resilience.

What are some tips for coping with first holiday deployment?

Communicate expectations and limitations on what you can manage alone. Let go of what you can't control. Accept altered traditions this year. Seek support from other milspouses who understand. Take advantage of family time before and after deployment. Record video messages to share. lean into technology to stay connected. Focus on self-care. Have a countdown and reunion plan. Know that the difficult emotions are normal, but temporary.

How can military couples nurture their relationship during holiday separation?

Schedule regular video chats to talk, share traditions, and say affectionate words. Exchange thoughtful gifts like photos, letters, artwork. Watch favorite holiday movies together virtually. Share memories of past holidays you spent together. Schedule intimacy time. Appreciate the loved one’s service and sacrifice. Discuss hopes for next holiday together. Affirm your love and commitment often.

Let me know if you would like me to modify or expand this FAQ section in any way. I'm happy to refine it until it fully meets your needs!